When I was going through cancer I was told countless times that I was strong. I wasn't strong I simply had no choice. Or was I considered strong because I chose to have the treatment offered or was I strong because I chose to get out of bed each day and get dressed and put … Continue reading Having strength
To be born and to die are the only two certainties in life. However; how often do we think about death? I never did and I wonder if this is why I find it so hard to process? Grief is different as I do not need to process ‘it’, as ‘it’ is a process I *have* to go through. I have read and listened to blogs about grief and have come to understand that no one has a monopoly on it. In one of my Breast Cancer blogs I wrote about mourning my breasts; little did I think only months later I would be grieving and mourning again. The grief I felt then was real and caused me momentarily real anguish. A break up or divorce causes grief. The children of divorced parents grieve. The death of a pet can cause anguish and grief. The grief felt is no better or worse for each individual. Grief is grief. When my Father died very suddenly at the age of 57, I became bitter when I looked at much older people – why not them why my Dad? Weirdly this time I am much more compassionate towards everyone. At the moment I feel incredibly grateful for what I had and still have. I feel sad for people in unhappy marriages and sad for older couples because I know that one day they will experience the raw grief that I am feeling. Apparently there are four types of tears. “Tears of grief, change, onion and laughing. Our tears have a different structure deleting which emotion causes you to shed them. Emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to maintain equilibrium so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release that emotion packaged neatly within a tear. That is why we feel more stable after crying. I do not want to write about my own grief – perhaps one day I will but for the moment it is too personal to share. Suffice to say it is a minute by minute struggle.
A new journey
Last time I wrote a blog I was a bit anxious and a bit depressed as I felt I had written enough about my journey through breast cancer. I wanted to carry on writing as I loved the process of writing but had no topic to write about. Little did I know that within weeks … Continue reading A new journey
IT’S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY
I always thought I understood depression and consequently never understood why the person who was depressed could not focus on the positives in their lives. From a young age, I have appreciated the beauty all around us and so have always found it relatively easy to ‘be in the now.’ However, at the beginning of … Continue reading IT’S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY
Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.
Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself. I am 61 years old and think I only begun to be myself over the last year or two. I believe 'being myself' is truly loving and accepting myself. Life would have been so much easier if I had learned that as a child or perhaps … Continue reading Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.
Clothes shopping after Breast Cancer
I wrote my very first blog after I was interviewed by Dr Carolyn Mair - a well known freelance consultant specializing in the psychology of fashion. The interview was about body image after breast cancer, and as a survivor, I was acutely aware and able to share what the impact that surgery and trauma had … Continue reading Clothes shopping after Breast Cancer
No one told me losing my hair would hurt.
I have been pondering lately as to why I write blogs about something that took place 7 years ago. Friends suggest it is a self – help cathartic tool and perhaps it is to a certain extent. A lot of people write about their cancer journey – some are funny, some serious, some interesting but … Continue reading No one told me losing my hair would hurt.
Macmillan asked 10 people who have all experienced cancer to read out real things people have said or asked about cancer. I related to everything they read out – I was told I was amazing, I was told I was brave, I was told I could do it and I could fight it etc. I … Continue reading Well-meaning words?
Mourning my breasts
Last week I attended for the first time a yoga class titled " The awakening body." The approach invited us ‘to open to the totality of our felt tactile and sensorial experience moment by moment free of any agenda.’ Ellen, the teacher, guided us in meditation, simple postures, movement and breathing exploration, visualisation and dialog. … Continue reading Mourning my breasts